A New Prayer

It’s been a while since my last post; I can’t believe how fast time is going by! I continue to really enjoy being immersed into the culture of South Asia, and I plan to post some pictures of “life as I know it” soon. But for now, I wanted to update you on what has been filling my days and thoughts lately…

As for my days, my time at work has been spent on various projects this past month- everything from beginning to define and map out our aftercare workflow process to preparing budgets. I can’t say it enough- I feel like I am constantly learning. By far, my favorite part of my role right now is being part of the “Monitoring Team” for one of our partner aftercare homes. We are currently in the process of implementing the protocols of standards of care that I assisted in writing in July- a process that will likely take a couple years. I love my weekly appointments at the home, interacting with the staff and the residents and drinking their famous chai tea. It has been some much needed encouragement to already see small changes- life skills education and soft skills training have already begun along with computer and English classes, and I am excited about the opportunities such education will give the girls. Our hope is that this home that will one day be a “model aftercare home” for girls rescued from commercial sexual exploitation. I appreciate your prayers in this ongoing effort.

As for my thoughts, they continue to be somewhat consumed with learning how to relate to God in the face of such harsh injustice. I know- not the most encouraging thing I have written to date, yet I desire to be transparent with you- my supporters, friends, and prayer partners. So, if you will bear with me, I’ll do my best to explain…

In Mark 9, Jesus has an interaction with a man who asks Jesus to heal his son from the demon that has plagued the boy since childhood. In what seems to me a request made in utter desperation, the father says to Jesus, “…But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." To me, the father appears to be at the end of his rope, frustrated and doubtful that anything can actually save his son yet still willing to try anything. I absolutely relate to this man, and I have prayed similar prayers many times, especially over the past four months.

What I am a bit taken aback by in this story is what happens next. Jesus does heal the boy, but not before He calls the father out on his doubt: " 'If you can'?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for him who believes.’” Leave it to Jesus to keep it real, right?

Now, while the story of Jesus’ compassion on this father and the ultimate healing of the boy is one of encouragement, I share this story because the father’s response very simply captures how I have been feeling lately: “Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’”

This is where I’m at right now. In my heart, I do believe. I believe that God is good and sovereign and just. I see stories of victory and small changes, like the ones happening at the aftercare home I mentioned above. I believe that God loves these girls more than I do…more than I ever could, in fact. But the more disappointments I experience in our work, and there are quite a few of them, the more I am aware of my own unbelief.

I listen to the story of a fourteen year old girl who was rescued before being sold into a brothel and, while I rejoice in her freedom, I anguish over the fact that she had been sexually assaulted long before she was ever trafficked into the trade. I wonder if rape will ever stop being the reality for so many girls growing up in rural villages in South Asia? I come to know that two of the aftercare homes for rescued girls are chronically functioning over capacity with substandard living conditions; I wonder how we can expect holistic healing if we can’t offer them a life that is much better than the one they had in the brothel? I meet a beautiful, smart young woman who is living with HIV, a result of sex that was forced upon her; I wonder why she is left to suffer the consequence of someone else’s sin?

In the face of these facts, I doubt. I doubt God’s goodness and His sovereignty and His justice. I feel like the psalmist in Psalm 82:2-4, 8: “How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked? Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Rise up, O God, judge the earth, for all the nations are your inheritance.”

I get so frustrated that it doesn’t seem like we are winning the battle against injustice all the time. I feel angry that it seems like evil is allowed to rule over people- innocent people like the women and girls who are abused over and over again in the brothels. Not unlike the man in Mark 9, I find myself crying out to God to just fix it, to put an end to their suffering and bring justice… all the while in the back of my mind thinking, “…if You can.”

To be honest, I am not really sure what I can do to change my heart’s reaction in the face of such brokenness except to consistently follow up my weak prayers as the father in Mark 9: “I do believe…help me to overcome my unbelief!” If you have any thoughts on this, please feel free to email them my way- I would love your insights. And above all, I ask for your prayer- for our work, for the girls, and for me personally that the Lord would help me to walk by faith.